When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
