hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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