Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
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