Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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