I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
