Just cropdusted the office
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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