We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
