Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
