I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Randomize
