Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
