theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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