Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
