i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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