i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize