Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
