just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
