Four minutes until I can fart!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize