So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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