Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Randomize
