I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I think a kid would responsible me up
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
