I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize