moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
