he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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