awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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