My nipple is on Facebook.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
