You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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