So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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