Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Randomize
