found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
