he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
