and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
The adults are the big ones right?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
