what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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