doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
