wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she peed on how many people?
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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