but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
