# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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