i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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