Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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