So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
