Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
