You work out of a Hotel?
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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