Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
