fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
