We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
