well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
