I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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