So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
