hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Randomize