i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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