Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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