No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
