I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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