She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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