I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
