she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
