On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
