I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize