I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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