I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
