My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Randomize
