My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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