Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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