Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
