I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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