Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
