Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
