I'm pants shitting drunk right now
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
