Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
