First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize