mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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