i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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