Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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