She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
