Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize